The Weight Loss Diaries - Part 1

I'm fat. That's all there is to it. And unfortunately fat does not fit in to my fashionista, make up guru life. In fact, it is the exact opposite. I've gotten to the fat point where I seriously dislike myself. To the point where I voluntarily wear sweat pants out shopping because I don't feel pretty enough to wear anything else. Beyond that, my knees hurt, my back hurts and I'm so tired I can barely get up in the morning. A. and I were "celebrating" our four year anniversary yesterday and mid-way through I thought to myself... wow, I can't even do this properly anymore.

So, now I will suck it up and publish my weight to the Internet world. Maybe writing about my struggles will keep me accountable. Then I can't eat healthy all day and then binge on sweets in my car and pretend it never happened (note to self: car calories count... even if you don't want them to). I won't, however, be posting "before" pictures. I am too ashamed of the chub and rolls and... ugh stretch marks. I was so happy that I didn't have any stretch marks on my tummy from gaining weight... and just as soon as I had that thought they started appearing and now they just won't go away.

So, time to put myself on blast...
I am 5'2" and 194lbs. I wear a size 16/18 and I am going to change my life.

Wish me luck!